God. What the fuck. I think it was the chicken tacos. Their chicken is marinated in some brine that just shreds me. But damn, baja gorditas are A fucking plus.

Clam fries make their return under a brown haze of stench. My anus hurts now. At least the wipe was on the low side, but I’m sure my already chaffed underlegs will contribute to dry asshole by tomorrow morning. Groan.

Who’s up for another round of ‘Guess who had Taco Bell for lunch?’. I know I am.

Taco Bell really is hit or miss with my colon. Well, more like hit or mess. The rumblin’ from down underin’ was pretty fierce so I dropped one, even this late at night. Had to. Between the farts and the slight chance I’ll shit the bed (literally), I was not going to spend the whole night in my bed otherwise. It was loose. Basically, the poop from earlier today plus… Taco Bell. What can I say? Poop + Taco Bell = Softer Poop, therefore Taco Bell = Softer. By that theory, Taco Bell makes a great laxative. I’m sure a lot of people would agree on that theorum.

Few shits are better than ones on days off. Not weekends per se, but days you should be at work and aren’t. And when you’re not sick. Yeah. Even if the shit was marginal like this one was, it’s still better than av average dumper at work.

Have I ever mentioned how I wish I was rich and able to make my career into pooping? Port, Pooper Technologist. Now that’s a title I can be proud of.

Speaking of pooping, this doodie was not that great. Loose pile of turds staked. The only point of note was the overwhelming stench of everyone’s favorite, poopcorn. The farts last night hinted in that direction and the dump confirmed. Hopefully now I won’t blast my poor wife away when she gets home from work.

You know, work. Which I’m not at. Fuck me, I need like 11 weeks vacation.

EDIT: Wow. So I closed the bathroom door and didn’t spray. Figured that’d be sufficient. Until I walked past the door and found the smell seeping out. Yikes. Time to spray, apparently.

Go me, too tired to poop last night even though I should have and couldn’t poop until now. Some pretty wicked cramps leading up to this. This shirt is tight and was not helping things.

So as expected, it just dropped out. Exactly like the Cosby kids in grade school at 2:59, waiting for the bell to ring to start summer vacation. The bell rings and out they stampede, right to their favorite swimming pool.

A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES

The silent shitter returns! I even delayed my flush to hear the tiniest of farts with no luck. In and out in half the time too Come on man, savor it.

Seems Monday and Tuesday’s post didn’t get put up because I forgot to check publish in this wordpress app. Will add them when I get home. Sorry for the mixup, Log Blogians.

The seven dwarves got nothin’ on Poopy, their bastard child second cousin.

So I slept 12 hours last night. Doesn’t happen often, let me tell you. Now you’d think 12 hours laid out would allow my colon to compact my feces into a rock hard ball of glass breaking amazingness, but no. This was almost a brown death drop. Soft and liquidy, it fell out with the quickness. The pile was average sized, but had volume. Avergae mess to clean up, thankfully. Wonder why it didn’t firm up. All I had to eat yesterday was a bagel, pasta and… oh. The 7-11 Cheeseburger Big Bite.

Nevermind. 12 days worth of sleep wouldn’t make a bowel movement after that hard and firm. No wonder I blocked that from my memory, I couldn’t even finish half of it. As my wife accurately described it, it looked like you took a hot dog and let it roll around in the dirt for a month and then served it. Yeah. And I bought it! Standards. I have none.

Apparently my wife jammed a potato peeler down by throat, because I just pooped one out. Such an odd shape. Very thin but wide at the top and then a thick shit handle on the bottom. Almost to scale too for a real potato peeler. Some small other turds on the side, but this was the only one of any distinction.

This was the kind of shit I needed tonight because I feel so lazy right now. Quick, low cleanup and no odor so I don’t have to spray. I closed the bathroom door just in case.

Having two chefs at work could be one of the worst things that could have happened to me. They are so good at what they do and I just eat stuff that just punishes me later.

Case in point, Joe made buffalo smoked cheddar mac and cheese for lunch. It’s so heavy and loaded that I can feel the explosive ass just churning in my colon.

And that’s why Im here earlier than usual. Gotta clean out the basement before it floods.

My gas yesterday evening was vile so it’s a good thing Im crapping now. Another night like that and I’m sleeping outside tonight. Speaking of doo doo, several tent poles come together to form a nicely sized log pile not unlike the pile of wood that makes a campfire. Pretty big movement, I must say.

Now, to replace that nice form dookie with liquid ass magma. Yay for being a glutton for punishment.

It’s one of those days. Just kind of blah. Nothing interesting to say except to talk about my poop. So I will. At least this one was big and brown. Several nice turds of various sizes, one easily 7 inches. Not as satisfying as one would hope as it feels quite shitty in there right now. Big ole dingleberry clinging for life mite than likely. Im so bored that ill try and drop by strength of sphincter… No luck. Time to dig for some brown gold.

The building has been absolutely awful today. The cheap asses downstairs cut the ac hardcore the second it got cooler. Meanwhile the building warms up and retains heat like a motherfucker. By the time anyone complains, the place is like a sauna. Thankfully it’s started to cool down a bit but only in a few places. So the lab is nice and cool but the desk area is boiling. Awful.

Lucky for me, thy mighty throne is tolerable. I’d hate to go home clenching the fat one I just dropped.

Fat AND long. This one broke and crossbarred for easily fifteen inches. A beautiful thing. Dry as a bone and a light odor to compliment. I know I’ll go home happy.