Its going to be go time very shortly.

So chef Joe is from Buffalo and he went up there this past weekend and brought back authentic Buffalo wing sauce from one one of the big wing places out there. So even though it was 7:30 in the morning I had to try it. Very hot but very good.

Then Amanda got us donuts and I had to have two of those because they were the good kinds from a bakery instead of the shit ones from Dunkin Donuts.

And to top it all off… Joe fresh fried chicken strips and wings for the Buffalo sauce. The chicken was so greasy they tasted like butter. Did I mention he soaked the chicken in buttermilk?

So what I’m trying to say is northern NJ is going to become a hazmat zone in an hour or so. I’m already cramping and my ass is going to just decimate whatever bowl it hits. Stay tuned.

The dingleberry surprise is a STILL THERE AFTER 4 HOURS. Go little turd go. Even another flush does not shake it. I told you guys that was a stiff shit.

I can’t even call this an outright BM.

When I got up from my last nuclear blast of a poop, I felt some gas pockets so I redropped trow and buckled down for a long winter. The ensuing juicy ripper was something I could not SBD out.

So here I am again. I’m going to be trapped in my carpool for 45 minutes and lord knows I don’t want to sit on some helium all that time.

Two rippers and times up.

Hey folks. We here at the Log Log (that being me, myself and my anus) have selected a musician who was made for the Log Log to provide the soundtrack which we poop by. Her elegant styles are punctuated by her deviant flatulence.

That artist is… Millie Jackson and her album:

Now that folks, is how you make beautiful music.

Yep. My farts still stink. It seems I didn’t choke ass all night, but when I woke up, everything was in order for long, uniform rippers that smell like rotting beef carcass. Yep. I’m never drinking Pepsi Max again.

So you’ve heard me talk about it. You’ve wondered. So here it is: FEAST.

FEAST is an almost 10 year old tradition started by my college friends. In college, everyone would obviously leave for Thanksgiving break, but we never spent Thanksgiving together. So how can we celebrate the occasion? Well, why not have our own Thanksgiving dinner? On top of that, why not do it the college student way with as much greasy shit as we can stuff through the door and into our faces? And so, FEAST was born.

So this year, we decided on sampling from: McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC and White Castle. And we even had a secret bonus, it was attached to the KFC: Long John’s Silver. That was a nice extra. KFC.com doesn’t make any mention of LJS when I looked up the location. It added a little panache to the whole event. And when I said panache, I meant complete and utter nasty.

So, we spent $110 dollars. That might not seem like a lot, but this was between 5 guys: 10 Second Tim, Sloppy Sunday, (s)Hitman and The Iron Noods (not their real names). Now these guys aren’t like, gigantic or anything. You won’t see them being forklifted out of their bedroom any time soon. So 5 guys, $110.  That’s over $20 a person. Does that not seal the deal on how much food we got? Then look at this:

Yeah, it looks pretty tasty. And it’s actually more than $110 thanks to 3 well timed coupons. Savings. Awwww yeah.

So how’d we do? Well, first and foremost: the brown wrappers that say Taco? Those are fish tacos from Long John Silvers. They could be the most nauseating thing I’ve had in a long time. While the sauce was good, the wrap was good, the overwhelming fish taste was a little too much. It’s like eating the mosh pit at a Lilith Fair concert. It’d be better if they just, you know, served it without the fish. I was the only one to sample, and with my reaction, that was that. And then there was the Angus burger from McDs. Juuuust something not right with that. My guess? It was Angus Cat meat. Or something.

Otherwise, there really wasn’t anything that was too bad. Actually, it was all pretty tasty. I highly enjoyed the BK Burger Shots, Sunday enjoyed the Baconator and 2 Second Tim discovered Volcano Tacos.

In the end, we only had about $20 worth of food left. All the non-dollar menu items? Devastated. Burger shots, baconators, popcorn chicken, big macs, quesdillas – all gone. Just a few spare tacos and snackers remained. It was by far the best performance we had ever done. Everyone left feeling full and completely gross. It was a complete success.

Ok, now, how did everyone do AFTER the FEAST? Well, I think this quote from The Iron Noods says it all:

I felt ok this morning.  Took a dump at work today and while in the stall I heard someone say, “Jesus Christ!” on his way out of the bathroom.  Felt even better afterward and got a nice chuckle out of it.

Uuurrgh. No one should eat as much fast food as I did. That was a delicious mistake. FEAST is done. We ate most of $110 worth of fast food. Only about $20 remains. I feel like I’m going to pass out. Totally sloth-like. The full report will come tomorrow when I can lift my head. Because I can’t right now. Maybe I’ll poop soon. It will be horrific, that’s for sure. Yes, the poop will be soon. I can already feel it racing through me.

… but nothing yet. 3 hours later, and nothing! This can’t be good. Again, stay tuned.

I am reporting live from the drive thru at KFC. The amount of food we have is disgusting. Stay tuned!!

Well. So I usually have some morning coffee stewing in my chocolate junkyard. It happens.

However, not this morning. Wow. So, so glad I drove myself. I rate my morning asshole on how many times I have to roll down the window to air out my truck. Usually, 1-2 times.

Today? 7. And I don’t think all of that completely eliminated the shit smell wafting in there.

Basically, a dookie is eminnent just to clear out the source as there is no way I can safely SBD these out here at work. Must be the Columbian I had for lunch yesterday. Their fresh made salsa is outrageously good and I had a lot of it.

I have popcorn farts. They’re not just a clever name.

They sound like popcorn popping and smell like shitty popped corn. And I haven’t eaten popcorn in months.

I often wonder when I have these if I have a tuft of undigested popcorn in my intestine that occasionally belches out said farts.

The world may never know.