In my mighty throneroom, the smaller bowl was beligerred by an epic clog of TP and shit. It happens, that’s life (without fiber). So I plop down on my throne and shit away. Soon after, the cleaning guy comes in. He’s a nice guy, decent grasp of English, calls me a different name (today, I was Don) each time he sees me and has gold teeth.

So my gold encrusted friend enters the stall next to me and let’s out a quiet “oh god”. Yep, someone has to do it and he was it. The plunger is in my stall so soon after I hear him say ‘Hey buddy…”. Out of instinct, I pass it under and he goes to town.

He certainly showed that fucker who’s boss. A couple fierce thrusts and epic splashes later, the sound of a disinfectant can signals victory. Well done, gladiator.

Moving on, things you might not believe about your old pal Port: Beans don’t make me gassy. Of all the things not to, it’d be beans. In case you wonder why I bring this up, it’s because I had chili for dinner last night. Even without gas, this poop was pretty loose. Gets me thinking that it’s been some time since I had a BM that gave my anus rugburn. At least the cleanup and smell have been minor, quite like those tall redwoods gave me in the past.