I just took a trip on the U.S.S. Shitsteak. Hole-e fuck. That was a prizeworthy shit. Crap just kept ripping out of me at epic speeds. Even the peak of the crap pile stepped out of the water a bit. Not really that soft, just a lincoln log style tower of feces. Epic. I intended to be slightly functional today but now that’s completely gone. I am toast, folks.

And the smell! Jesus. Thank god the Mrs put a new can of Fabreze in the bathroom. That and the fan have its work cut out for them to work down one of the ripest odors I’ve ever cut. The wall of stench was almost unbearable.