#1 – Work. I don’t think I stopped moving all day. Forget being able to take a shit at work. I barely had enough time to take a piss

#2 – This shit. I’m down on the ground now. When it came out, it felt like it was going to tear my anus. It was just a giant foot long plus turd, cracked into two pieces, thanks to lots of wonderful knobby knobs pressed in. Goddamn. And for some reason, the poop smelled like shitty BBQ sauce. Nope, don’t want to know why.